O my! I felt the example on “giving the right answer to a question of your mom” deep in my bones. A couple of weeks ago, I did a scan with a psychologist and it turns out that my “inner world” as “personality” is very blank. Also, I noticed that I love to be faceless to just test what “I like” without getting too attached to it.
Honoring your values and principles, and not having needs, these all make you stronger. That someone takes advantage of that is a reflection of their misalignment with your values. It’s one thing to acknowledge somebody’s level of ignorance and not feel harmed by it. It’s another thing to condone misaligned behavior. Appreciate you sharing your story.
Great to see more of this topic out there. And thank you for sharing your piece for more people to relate to.
I like the descriptions of what was overlooked, it’s easy to relate to:
‘At first, it feels like compromise and you actually feel good about yourself. You’re the kind of girlfriend that doesn’t mind when he’s inconsistent, or when he makes a snarky comment about you, or when he acts aloof. You’re secure enough to handle his seeming ambivalence. You know he’ll come around. You’re the kind of woman every man (or person) wants to be with.’
These are the sneaky concessions and stories we tell ourselves.
Perhaps sometimes it ok temporarily in the context of a healthy, reciprocal and respectful relationship. But not when it’s more often about them and you’re constantly either in caregiver mode, limbo, waiting patiently (or increasingly impatiently) and subtly making yourself smaller to match them instead of shining bright.
I saw your note in which you briefly said what your post is going to be about and I immediately felt resonance. Few months ago I’ve ended up relationship that was and felt exactly that. I felt my strength and power rising with every time I showed up for myself. At the same time, the connection was weakening. I realized I was not even in the relationship, I was not there. There was only an illusion I’ve built to fit in and it hit so hard. It opened me to the truth - to this point I haven’t chosen any of my partner and I can’t play this game anymore. Thank you for your post 🤍
That’s powerful. I know what you mean when you say “I was not even in the relationship”… at the end of this particular relationship I was a shell of myself, completely gone. I’m proud of you for seeing it in your own dynamic, and showing up for yourself!
"Your nervous system learned a lesson: Who I actually am is not safe. Who I actually am is wrong. The only version that gets love is the one they want me to be." This really landed for me. I can recognize myself in so much of what you wrote. Thank you for putting words to something so many of us learned quietly and carried for years. It takes courage to name it this clearly. Bravo, Nina, awesome piece!
That’s amazing. Yes it’s incredibly valuable to really get to know ourselves, our patterns, and what our parts want… and learn to relate to our parts, rather than from our parts.
O my! I felt the example on “giving the right answer to a question of your mom” deep in my bones. A couple of weeks ago, I did a scan with a psychologist and it turns out that my “inner world” as “personality” is very blank. Also, I noticed that I love to be faceless to just test what “I like” without getting too attached to it.
Thanks for the writing 🤍
I’m so glad it resonated for you!
BTW, I believe in Somatic Therapy. I have two cousins who are practitioners. Keep up the good work!
Excellent piece. Thanks.
Honoring your values and principles, and not having needs, these all make you stronger. That someone takes advantage of that is a reflection of their misalignment with your values. It’s one thing to acknowledge somebody’s level of ignorance and not feel harmed by it. It’s another thing to condone misaligned behavior. Appreciate you sharing your story.
Thank you!
I love the idea of "coming home to your body." Thank you for sharing this post--it's focus on embodied wisdom rings true.
Thank you!
Great to see more of this topic out there. And thank you for sharing your piece for more people to relate to.
I like the descriptions of what was overlooked, it’s easy to relate to:
‘At first, it feels like compromise and you actually feel good about yourself. You’re the kind of girlfriend that doesn’t mind when he’s inconsistent, or when he makes a snarky comment about you, or when he acts aloof. You’re secure enough to handle his seeming ambivalence. You know he’ll come around. You’re the kind of woman every man (or person) wants to be with.’
These are the sneaky concessions and stories we tell ourselves.
Perhaps sometimes it ok temporarily in the context of a healthy, reciprocal and respectful relationship. But not when it’s more often about them and you’re constantly either in caregiver mode, limbo, waiting patiently (or increasingly impatiently) and subtly making yourself smaller to match them instead of shining bright.
Thanks and keep up the helpful writing!
Thanks so much!
I saw your note in which you briefly said what your post is going to be about and I immediately felt resonance. Few months ago I’ve ended up relationship that was and felt exactly that. I felt my strength and power rising with every time I showed up for myself. At the same time, the connection was weakening. I realized I was not even in the relationship, I was not there. There was only an illusion I’ve built to fit in and it hit so hard. It opened me to the truth - to this point I haven’t chosen any of my partner and I can’t play this game anymore. Thank you for your post 🤍
That’s powerful. I know what you mean when you say “I was not even in the relationship”… at the end of this particular relationship I was a shell of myself, completely gone. I’m proud of you for seeing it in your own dynamic, and showing up for yourself!
Thank you Nina. I am proud of us both. And also, wish for us to introduce the wisdom we gained through those situations in our future relationships 🤍
I think this pebble you tossed into the pond will have a lot of good ripples
Thank you!
"Your nervous system learned a lesson: Who I actually am is not safe. Who I actually am is wrong. The only version that gets love is the one they want me to be." This really landed for me. I can recognize myself in so much of what you wrote. Thank you for putting words to something so many of us learned quietly and carried for years. It takes courage to name it this clearly. Bravo, Nina, awesome piece!
That’s amazing. Yes it’s incredibly valuable to really get to know ourselves, our patterns, and what our parts want… and learn to relate to our parts, rather than from our parts.